Searchlights in the Silver Clouds
by Raventhedarkgoddess
Summary: Robin would have given anything to see Raven again. But will his obsessive search, carefully founded on lies, find the girl he longs for, or only what he believed was there? RaeRob, Chapt 10 up
1. Chapter 1

**Searchlights in a Silver Sky**

**Rated:** T  
**Catagory:** Teen Titans  
**Genre:** Humor/Romance  
**Full Summary:** Robin would have given anything- Anything- to see Raven again. But will his obbsessive search, carefully founded on lies, find the girl he longs for, or only what he thought was there? (Rae/Rob)  
**A/N:** Yes, another Raven/Robin story. I'm having writer's block on everything else- Sorry. Anyway, here goes another tale from Raventhedarkgoddess (evil laughter, quick cough)... Read and Review!

**Chapter One: Silver Clouds, Silver Tears**

Robin looked out over the sky high above him from where he stood on the roof of Titan's Tower. The clouds above him were silver with the burning rays of the sun's first light as it lit up the sky over the still-sleeping Jump City, the wind blowing with a small sigh as it rushed past him. He felt it brush his face but ignored it, instead staring out over the water as if looking for the promise every new day was supposed to bring.

He could hear the water rolling into the visable waves, the sun burning back into his eyes. He tried to tell himself that only the glare of the sun was causing the invisible rise of teardrops behind his mask, but deep in his heart he knew that to be far from true. Still, he wished he could force the thought for a little longer.

The sun fell upon his face more violently now and Robin lowered his head out of it's way, wanting no part in the beauty that was the rising sun. He almost wished she would come upstairs onto the roof, making her way around the puddles from the previous night's rain, to bury her head in his shoulder as she spoke to him of ordinary things and made him feel loved and cared for again. _But she won't, _he reminded himself.

_She's gone._

The wind whistled a mournful tune that was all it's own. Looking over the violent waves, Robin tried to keep the tears from falling, but it worsened until his breath was coming in short gasps and the tears were coming quickly, something that happened every day although he tried to prevent it. The words started to repeat in his head, over and over, until they became more of a chant. _She's gone, She's gone, she's..._

_Raven's gone. _The words died, as did the tears, with that realization, but the pain stayed with him, safely under lock and key again. _No one can even know I miss her..._

_I'm not supposed to miss her._

Left hand clenching slowly into a fist, Robin lowered himself into what should have been a heroic crouching pose- But instead he looked tired, worn, and defeated, and rested the hand against the side of his skull. The wind snatched at his cape, whipping it up so that it rested over instead of behind his shoulders, but it mattered not, and he let it lie there while a single black strand moved into place over his eye.

_I wonder where she is, what she's doing now... _The violet eyes that haunted his dreams danced into his head, along with the perfect way her lilac hair fell around her face, the cloak around her in the early morning wind... "Raven..."

_Do we even see the sunrise at the same time, or is she laying in bed somewhere, alone and defenseless... Does she even want to look at the sunrise? Or does she not want to be reminded of me? Does she want to run away from everything we meant to each other?_

The worst thought of all crossed his mind. _Did we even mean anything to her at all? Did I...?_

One more tear escaped his eye, this one uncontained, sliding down his face, slowly making it's way along the prominate face toward the ground, where it fell to lay in one of the shimmering puddles of rainwater. "Raven, where are you?"

The sun had risen higher and higher now, to reside in the sky far above him, resting over the city as people began their waking lives, both civilan and criminal. Robin sighed- Jump City may have had it's work cut out of it, but he wanted nothing more than to go back inside and crawl into his bed, a place where only his dreams could haunt him. Instead, however, he turned his back on the city and prepared to face the most painful place of all- The Tower. Even though it had been two years since her disapperence, since the fight, Robin couldn't make itleave him, leave his head or unscar his heart.

"Please be safe, whereever you are." With that, he sighed and looked out over the deadpan world, at the city he was still bound to protect, and wondered if there was any chance

"Another day, another sunrise," he whispered, turning away and heading for the door that would lead him back into the home below, although at times it felt too hollow and empty to be called a home. He straightened his cape around his shoulders as he felt the sun and wind leave his face. The darknened hallway wasnot shimmering as theouter hallway was, containing less memories, and therefore a welcome sight.

Slowly but surely he made his way down the steps, ending up in the kitchen as he so often did, trying to find the words to say, or at least a way to keep his voice from breaking. "Hey Cy," he forced out finally to his half-metal friend, who stood alone in the kitchen with his back to Robin, flipping pancakes and bacon for the breakfast of the four Titans and pulling a face at Beast Boy's tofu bacon.

"Hey Robin," his friend said, then fell back to cooking after observing him- The wind-swept hair, the single tear-track, and the mishap way his cloak was thrown over his shoulders. "Bad night?"

Robin simply nodded, taking a plate of food from Cyborg as the two settled down at the table to eat. For whatever reason, they had left the fifth seat in the kitchen, and both Robin and Cyborg looked at it with a sense of longing- Robin felt a pang of guilt and jealousy, for Cyborg had been the one going out with Raven before...

_Before I drove her away. _The thought came to him quickly, quietly, and unbidden, but came none the less. Robin was about to say something whenboth Starfire and Beast Boy staggered into the kitchen to eat with them. The chatter soon fell around him, but Robin ignored it, feeling quite alone among the feelings of good tidings and happiness. _Even though they do have a right to be happy..._

Before he really knew what he was doing, he had finished his breakfast, his mind lost in heavy thoughts and regreats. The plate slammed in the sink and the sliding doors made a simple thud as he left. "Did we do something wrong, friend Cyborg?" Starfire asked quietly.

"No," Cyborg replied. "No, Star, but I do think Robin's missing someone." No one could reply to that, but it was apparent that everyone knew what he met by the mechanical silence that always came when she was mentioned. _Raven...

* * *

**Robin was screaming at her again. "Look at you! You let Slade get away! Don't you care about catching him, about this team!" Raven was soaked in her own filthy blood and a large amount of mud, but Robin ignored that, ignored the bleeding slashes across her stomach as he screamed at her like a coach might scream at a player who had failed to win a game.** _

**"I didn't mean to... Robin, you saw him pull that knife..." She felt Cyborg's arms around her, wrapping her waist, stopping the blood flow as best he could. "Come on, you know I didn't mean for him to..."**

**"Look at you! Covered in demon blood and telling me what you can and can't do! You should use those powers we saved together in order to..." He stopped- He had said far, far too much, and her face reflected that.**

**"You damn..."**

The gothic poet pulled her hood up a bit higher on her head to force out the memory, the black cloak she wore swinging around her skirt-covered legs as the wind caught it in the early morning, the rain coming down toward her face. "Another beautiful day," she muttered quietly, looking up into the gray clouds silvering with the heavy light that came toward her slowly, a sun she was unable to see.

_Amazing how I can be here, sucessful and supposably happy, and yet I think back on it so much and... _She looked back up at the sky, twirling her umbrella up on her head as she walked through the park among the common people, happy for the quiet of the morning rather than the fame surrounding her as a poet.

_Had to make a living somehow. _Her gory poem about death had not been meant to be anything, but quickly she had forced herself under a pen name for fear of her friends finding her as the publication process began. _I almost wish I'd let them find me... Then I could have at least tried to tell them goodbye this time..._

She looked around in the silence the shelter of an oak where she often sat with her open notebook, writing, and gazed off into the distance without emotion on her face. She avoided being taken by the memory again- That was the last thing she wanted now, or ever. _I just want to forget..._

_But I can't. _"Where are you now?" She asked the face she remembered in her mind, the face of a black-haired teen as she remembered it, sweet and kind until it's last screaming moment. "Are you safe? And do you remember..."

"Do you remember me? Do you miss me at all?" She turned her face toward the sky and lowered the umbrella, feeling the drops come down into her violet eyes before she turned away and headed back up the narrow sideway she had just come down, long before the bustle of the small city not twenty miles from her former life had begun.

_But for as searchlights fall from the silver sky,  
I walk these empty streets alone.  
As the days go on around me,  
I feel the cars as on they drone._

I look to the drops of dew for a new day to come.  
But the sky doesn't yeild to the dreamer of hope.  
So I wonder about the days I could have spent,  
if I would just untie my heart from the rope.

Lines from one of my poems, she thought bitterly. _But if only someone could see how true they are to me... If only someone would find me._

With that, she strolled into her apartment and settled down- Today was going to be one of those days, she could already tell- Both in the weather and in her heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: Dream A Dream**

Cyborg held the newspaper about three feet from his face- It wasn't that he couldn't see it, but he liked to have something to hide behind, something to divert his attention from their different, angry leader, who was talking to Starfire without much enthusiasum of a concept that she had no doubt failed to understand. Normally it would just be busy work for him, something to do- The paper had never connected with anything of importance.

Perhaps that was why he was so caught off-guard by the photograph featured for a human interest article- Even though it was black and white, he could feel the violet eyes drilling into him in all their expressionless apathy, see the hair moving even though the girl in the photograph did not move.

Dressed in a simple black cloak that covered whatever she happened to be wearing, holding a small notebook, Raven stared back at him next to the lenghty text. "Although the interview is not actually with the young author known only as 'Saphire,' the mysterious poet sweeping the nation, we managed to gain an interview with her publishing manager, who...'

Cyborg scanned the article rather than actually reading it. "Are the rumors of connection with the Teen Titans true? Is she actually Raven Roth from the Teen Titans?" It said that her editor had 'declined to comment,' although he had smiled when he said it. The rest of the article was drabble and speculation, though, and he quickly skipped it and prepared to fold the paper up, to put it in a safe place.

Robin snatched it from his hand before he realized what was happening. The picture had caught his eye, and then he had been drawn in. "Cyborg, it's Raven! Where is she? What's she been doing?"

Cyborg sighed, standing beside Robin while he read the article. "So she's been hiding from us... Cyborg, do you think we could find her?"

"Are you sure we'd want to?" Cyborg asked, the words coming out before he could stop himself. "I never stopped caring for her, but if she didn't want to be found then everything's obviously changed." He crossed his arms over his chest and held out one hand to take the newpaper back, but did not recive it. Robin had turned on his heel and fled the small room.

Robin made his way up the steps to his room with the clipping instead. "Why didn't you want to be found?" He whispered to her picture. "Why don't you want us to find you?" He sighed.

"Is it really that important that you hide from me? Do you just not care or..."

"What are you hiding?" He turned to the window, which yeilded no response, and looked out over the grey afternoon with contempt and pain. "Where are you?"

* * *

Raven Roth stood in front of a man's desk. As he played with his black ponytail, his five foot seven form seemed to shrink slightly in her angry presense. In one grey-tinted hand she waved the _Jump City Times, _the other rested on his brown-grained wooden desk. "What," she hissed from between clenched teeth, "Were you **_thinking?"_**

"Babe, the public loves you. It's not like I actually did anything, just gave them an author picture of you. I'm building suspense for you, Saphire." He waved one hand, hoping she'd see his point and also lower her voice, because the office in which he worked was no place for her to be screaming.

"You've BLOWN my cover by sending this to Jump City!" She hissed at him, fighting to keep the temper and her anger under wraps for fear of the other people in the office. "I don't care WHAT your reasons are, you need to get back in line and protect my personal information like I asked you, unless you want me to pull my publications out of print and shread my contract!"

Normally the publisher might have taken her hand at this point, but seeing as one was balled into a tight fist that she had brought down upon his desk and the other was still shaking the _Jump City Times,_ he was powerless to do anything but shake his head and sigh. "Listen, babe..."

He was quickly cut off. "Don't call me babe," Raven spat. "Don't you understand anything I ask you not to do, I have my reasons?"

"Saphire," he hissed with growing aggrivation, "You can't keep throwing these fits in my office. You're going to break things and get us both thrown out on our heads..."

"I'm not just another job, Robert, and you realize that. So don't threaten me!" She paused for a second. "Just because you have devotion to this job is no reason to endanger the job. Understand that." She scanned the article again. "And why did you have to hint them back to the Teen Titans, of all things?"

"I didn't hint back," he replied rather snidely. "They came up with that all on their own." Robert moved one hand to take the paper from her. "Besides, fans will go crazy at the tidbit from the new poem I put in there."

Raven's eyes were full of horror when she saw the texted words. "Where... Where did you find that!" She asked him, still struggling with the pain of her emotional anger, longing to lash out at Robert and tell him what an idiot he was.

"Your notebook, among the scraps pile. I remember you telling me that if it was marked 'scrap' I was welcome to it, yes?" He asked with a smirk. He hadn't violated anything this time and he knew it, plainly knew it by the expression that seemed to say, I've won, Raven.

She turned on one heel and left without another word. "How could I have been so stupid..."

The hole in the wall hardley did her misery justice. Robert settled back and began to correct several more poems, self-satisfied, for publication. "Saphire... More like a Diamond, that one. Money maker..."

* * *

_...Two birds wings beat as one,  
But the song of one is miles away.  
There's nothing that can be done now.  
Nothing we can do or even say. _

Mistakes were made and one flew astray.  
One little bird lost off the path.  
The words are silent with all that we sing,  
There's no reason to cry, to whisper, to laugh.

And so the little bird leaves the sorrow behind,  
But one becomes the sorrow they hate.  
There's nothing to do, to say, to breath.  
So I suppose when the wind comes we sit back and wait.

Once, twice, three times Robin read it over, but he could make no sense of the words before him except what he had never known- He missed her, and he needed her. _And perhaps she wants to see me again..._

"I will find you, Raven."

**"I will."**

_Raventhedarkgoddess: R+R, please. I'm sorry that the update took so long._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: To Hear Your Voice**

Still clutching the paper in his hand, Robin made out of his room, reading the poem over yet again out of the sight of the other Titans. "This is it," he said to the growing daylight.

Dressed in civlian clothes was not the way he had wanted to go about this, but it seemed the only way to connect himself with Raven. "I already said I will find her. I'm going to do it." Trying to stiffen his resolve hardly seemed to be working, but he could try, couldn't he?

_First thing to do would be to track down her publisher, _he mussed to himself, looking over the article for hints of the city in which she was residing. Finding one, fueling the fire that was already starting to burn in his eyes, Robin revved up the R-cycle and prepared to leave the Tower.

_I hope none of the other try to track me down, _he found himself thinking. For whatever reason, this was something he wanted to do alone. He wanted to be the one to find and bring back Raven, the one to make amends for the past he had inadvertently screwed up in the first place. _It was my fault, and I have to say I'm sorry... Even if she won't take that, I have to let her know..._

And so, breaking hard, Robin found himself in front of a rather formidable building- Seven stories tall, the local publishing company, his only lead, seemed as good a place as any to start.

"May I ask what you're doing here?" Asked a doorman. He hadn't seen him.

Swallowing and trying to make himself sound as normal, as much like a normal person as possible, Robin stood upright. "I have to meet with Saphire's publisher," Robin replied.

"Ah, the weird little one. Doesn't normally have visitors. I guess you can go up, he's in room five A on the sixth floor."

"Thanks," Robin said vaguely, trying to look casual as he made his way toward the elevator, still being stared at by the doorman, and leaned on a wall, waiting to make his way up to what might be the only way out of the guilt he was living with. "I have to know what happened to Raven..."

The metal doors slid open, revealing a plushly carpeted hallway. "Here goes nothing," he thought to himself, running a hand through his messy black hair, then raising it so that it fell against the door three times, loud, thundering knocks that could have controlled any and all destiny.

"She was right when she said her little friends were smart," her editor said, still staring at Robin like he had three heads or something of the sort. "She honestly didn't want to be tracked down, I don't think I should be talking to you about this..."

"Can't you give me something to go off of?" Robin asked. "I've come such a long way, and it would be such a shame to..."

"Oh, fine." Reaching for a nearby filing cabinet, moving with some stiffness, as if he rarely left his black leather chair, he began to dig through a file folder marked 'Personal Information.' A photograph, a lengthy bio, and a paper marked 'Classified' fell to the ground. Robin watched as the man, growling, picked up the photograph and the lengthy bio and handed them to Robin.

"You want to try calling her, fine." He paused, studying Robin. "Now get out of my office."

Robin rolled his eyes- Demanding and annoying though he was, Robin was never the less grateful for the number. "All right. Thank you."

"Whatever. Good luck with her, though. Sometimes I swear she's a demon," he laughed. "A regular pistil, that one."

"Yes... Always has been." And with that, Robin walked out of the office, wondering where in the world he was going to get the courage to call her.

Holding the paper, tucking it safely into his pocket with the poem, he strattled his motorbike and headed for home. The cool wind greeted his face. _I have to, though._

_I have to hear her voice and at least try to see her again._

_I can't live without it. Raven, wherever you are... I need you._

_**Raventhedarkgoddess: I'm home sick, so there's a short update, look for a longer one in the near future. I love you guys, thanks for all the support.**_


	4. Chapter 4

_Raventhedarkgoddess: It's been a while, hasn't it...? Sorry. Ah well, here I update._

**Chapter Four: Kokoro**

Robin sighed- His hands were shaking, his face felt hot despite the air that had rushed to greet his face, and the tension was written into the movement of every muscle in his body. It was all coming through to him now- He was holding her phone number. He could really hear her voice again, if only...

"You all right?" Robin turned, looking up from his gaze on nothing to see Cyborg standing there. "You seem kinda tense," he added, lightly punching Robin's shoulder.

"I guess I am."

"You're thinking about Rae. I can tell." Cyborg sat down next to him. "Look, you need to stop beating yourself up over what happened."

"Even though you miss her as much as I do?" Robin asked,his temper already mounting because he just wanted to go upstairs and call her. _Even if Cyborg is my best friend, this is something for me. If I can get her back, if I can just tell her I'm sorry..._

"Look, that's not the point. She and I had something special, something that's hard to get over." Seeing that Robin was in one of his moods, he stood up, relenting. "I'm going to go rest. If you need me, I'll be in my room."

_He did have feelings for Raven, _Robin found himself thinking, but at the same time, he didn't care. This wasn't about Cyborg anymore- This was about him, and...

He decided that thinking too much about it was dangerous and got up. "There's never been a better time to try to be sorry," he thought, and headed to his room, where the call could be made in private.

Hand trembling, almost more afraid of the telephone than of a face-to-face confrontation, he picked up the cold plastic reciever and held it to his ear. The dial tone sounded loud and threatening, almost a warning, but he ignored it and, sweating under his gloves, and punched each number as he saw it in the loopy handwriting of her editor.

One, two, three, four... "Hello?" Said a low voice.

"Raven, listen, it's Robin. I just want to say..." _What do I want to say? That I'm sorry I was a moron? That I'm obsessive and need to see her again?_

"There's no Raven here. You have the wrong number."

Click.

_Could that have been her?_ The voice didn't match anything in his memory, and he looked down at the piece of paper again.

"Wrong number," he muttered, and picked it back up, determined this time to reach her, and not freeze up. He put each number in with twice the care, and finally decided to send it.

_I'm going to do this, _he promised himself.

* * *

Raven Roth sank down on the edge of her bed in her apartment. Most of the day had been spent in a silent wave of fury, her anger undirected yet always present, always just under the surface and mounting with her every thought. 

Gently, she ran her fingers over the edges of her coffee mug, (actually filled with a strong stress-relieving tea) staring off into an empty space just outside of her field of view. Part of her dreamed in color of that vivid time when she had left the tower, the rest of her given over to a blank apathy that she tried not to think about.

Almost subconciously, wondering who the message was from, she reached out and pushed the button reading 'Play' on her small answering machine. Part of her was expecting her editor's voice- And so the shock she recieved nearly sent her off of her bed and to the blue carpet below, the only splotch of color in the room she'd brought from her former 'home.'

"Raven, it's Robin, listen, please, before you try to delete this... I miss you and..."

Raven tuned out the rest of the message, the words 'I miss you' sticking in her ear as her mind began to engluf her, pulling her back to another time and place where...

**_Robin released her roughly and stomped away, leaving her to slump against Cyborg, who hugged her and muttered words she wasn't listening to with the accusations of 'demon' ringing in her ear._**

**_"I'm nothing but worthless..." Her own voice had been frail, pained then, and she couldn't remember _**

And now this same boy claimed to miss her? "...If you could meet me somewhere, I'd really appricate it. I was thinking we could meet..."

Raven paused. _A chance to reconnect with my old life..._

_Do I really want to take that chance?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Raventhedarkgoddess: Let me just say I love this story as much as it's many fans love it- You guys rawk so hard, lik OMG! Sorry, I had to do that… Pip dared me because it's not my style. Anyway, thank you to all my reviewers and… On with the story!**

**Chapter Five: Angel's Embrace**

No lights here. Not in this part of Jump City's largest park. Raven stood alone, running her hands through her hair, nerves coursing through her body. Robin was on her mind, even though she didn't want to admit it, and she was scared to death of what might happen. His face ran through her mind and stayed there- Nothing was going to remove it, not now, probably not ever.

For whatever reason, she brushed on her brief relationship with Cyborg, realizing it didn't matter as much as she wished it had. Instead, she thought back to a time before that, when Robin had asked her for her hand….

"_**Raven?" His voice was soft, echoing through the small room between them, the room where many central computers were kept and the lone leader scanned the city by himself on the night watch. As he saw his teammate, he wondered what she was doing there. "Can't you sleep?"**_

"_**No. I thought I'd come monitor, but apparently that's your job."**_

"_**You could sit with me," he offered, pulling a nearby chair over and offering it to her. She sat down quietly, tucking her cloak under her, and smiled at her. She smiled back, loosely.**_

"_**Can I ask you a question?" **_

"_**Sure."**_

_**Robin seemed to hesitate. "Are you doing anything any time soon? Friday?"**_

_**Her mind had raced then- This was all too good to be true- mind whirling and hands sweating slightly, her nerves barely controlled. "No."**_

"_**Would you like to hang out with me?" The question hung in the air, loose and unwavering, ringing in Raven's ears until she couldn't' take it anymore.**_

"_**I… I can't." Emotions raging, she had run out of the room.**_

She moved over to the stone bench, below the stone angel Robin had asked her to meet him by. Her skirt billowed and she hugged herself, cold in spite of the rather warm night. "Raven?" A voice asked in a silent, soft way that she had heard before.

Raven turned and looked up before extending her hand to the stranger standing before him. "Robin… You haven't changed much." Indeed he hadn't- Same stocky build, same black hair, and the same cocky attitude.

"You have. You're as beautiful as they come." He moved over to her, touching the ends of her longer hair before she could offer resistance. She watched him smile- And felt herself smile too. _No, _she thought to herself. _No… This is just like last time._

_Just like the last time I fell for him._

"….Thinking about you."

"You have?" A stupid reaction, but some sort of reaction none the less. "I… I've thought about you too. A lot."

"What about your poems? Your stories? How's your life been?"

Raven hesitated- Should she tell him about her lonely apartment, her need to be around someone? Instead, she hugged her thin black coat closer to herself and shivered, trying to think of a way to answer him that wasn't totally dishonest.

"You know, it's all right to say you haven't been well." He reached over and touched her hand, then looked up at the stone angel statue above them. "I haven't been here since last time we came up here together."

_I'm on Angel Hill? _The force of the memory hit her hard, and she was forced to see the scene again in her mind.

"_**Robin…." The two of them were sitting on Angel Hill, smiling at one another. "Robin, we shouldn't be doing this." It was shortly after her refusal of him, her refusal to go out with him on Friday night.**_

_**That Friday night. **_

"_**I know. I know. You've already told me how you feel. But still, can't you…. Please make an exception?" He held onto the back of her neck, keeping their faces close, keeping those deep amethyst eyes locked onto his own before bringing his lips against hers.**_

_**At first it was little more than a butterfly kiss. Lips on lips vaguely and briefly, then again and again and slightly harder. She returned the kiss all the more eagerly, until she could feel herself starting to lose control.**_

_**She shoved him away from herself on the stone bench and watched him fall back against the angel. Without a second look, her hair flying around herself, she moved, running away, down the carved steps and toward the safety the tower would offer.**_

_That was a long time ago, _she reminded herself. _A very long time ago, before you grew to dislike him… This isn't for you, this relationship… Forget about it, Raven, just forget…_

Even just looking at their intertwined hands, resting against their touching legs, would not permit her to forget.

"Cyborg wanted me to tell you he says hi, and that most of his feelings are finally gone. He says he's sorry for hurting you."

"…I don't want him to worry about that."

"Yeah… I'll tell him you're fine, then?"

"Yes."

More silence. Not uncomfortable- More undefined than anything else. Neither knew whether it was just like the last time, or if things really had changed between them.

"Are you sure you won't come home sometimes for a visit?" As he spoke, he slipped his arms around her, and she felt her heart beginning to race. _I really am falling for it again…_

_I'm falling for him all over again._

Still, she did not drop his hand. She let him, in fact, inch closer and closer, until they were at the edge of the bench, under the beautiful stone statue of the forgotten angel. It's eyes were closed and it's hands were out, almost in promise.

_Promise of what, though?_

His hands came up to brush her silken hair away from her eyes, and she found himself looking into his clear blue ones- He had removed his mask. He took advantage of her shock to bring their lips together slowly, carefully.

She kissed him for a second, then pulled back from the emotion as she saw a wave of black energy hit against the wings of the angel, causing it's detailed wings to come closer to them, the waves in it's dress to almost move even though they were cut out of stone.

She was back on her feet now, moving away from him, having slid off the bench, a piece of her black fabric still stuck against the nearby angel's wings. "Robin…. Just… Please… Don't make this harder than it has to be…."

He stood up too, catching her hand before she could make the sprint away across the barren ground of Angel Park. "You'd really leave me again?" His voice was not full of itself for once- He was depressed, maybe even actually cut to the core.

"No…. But can we please take things slowly?" She jerked her hand out of his, taking a step back. "Look, I'll come back to the tower again…."

"Are you doing anything Friday?" The question hung in the air between them, final and yet not.

And that's when she noticed how he held onto that single piece of her skirt like a prayer, a promise. It was a connection- One she would not let herself break now that she'd seen him again, now that she had been forced to remember that life.

"No. I'll see you then." With a quick armed hug, she was gone from him, headed down the hill and toward the bus stop.

Robin found himself alone on top of the hill, but there was no depression or anger in him. Instead, he moved the paper to his pocket. "I'm going to see you again, Raven."

_You're a part of my world again now. And I'm going to make you smile._

_You're going to come back to us. Because you're not a heartless demon…_

_And I love you, Raven._

_I love you._

* * *

Alone in her apartment, the pen went to paper in a poem not even she could understand.

_**Stone**_

_Hard heart and broken mind,  
I try to resist you but the angel cries.  
__There was so much we didn't understand.  
__Would it be better if it just dies?_

_This feeling I keep burns to the core.  
__I don't understand why I shove you away.  
__There's nothing I want more now.  
__It's been so long since someone would stay._

_I vaguely wonder why the angel doesn't smile.  
__Did she once feel this too?  
__And is there something I don't understand?  
__The reason I want to keep away from you?_

_But this sensation burns inside.  
__Ruining my heart of stone.  
__Love confuses and uses me.  
__But I refuse to let it work me to the bone._

**Raventhedarkgoddess: Well, there we go. I tried to make it a little longer since you guys have to wait so long… Another update soon, okay? Read and review, keep me motivated! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six: The Urge To Smile**

That Friday night felt like it would never come, but when it did, he stood, forehead pressed to the glass, lips jagged around the edges from too much nervous licking, hair slicked back against his head and his mask firmly in place, looking out the window. There was no sight of Raven, or of anything but the waves, and for a moment, he wondered if he shouldn't have insisted on picking her up. The worry was there…

"Friend Robin, are you sure that you are 'okay'?" Starfire asked him. "Friend Raven is not to be here for another twenty minutes or so…" She placed a hand on his shoulder, which made him jump and spin to look at her. She was dressed nicely- They all were- and wore a nervous smile similar to the one he gave her in return.

Cyborg came over to stand behind them. "I'm nervous, man. You say she hasn't changed much, and I know I'm over her, but… This is going to bring back so many memories…"

"I understand, Cyborg." _Actually, _Robin thought to himself rather bitterly, _I don't understand. I don't understand why you think you have anything to be depressed or scared about… You're not the one who had, has, and will have feelings for her for the rest of time, now are you?_

"Why wasn't I invited to this group huddle?" Beast Boy was leaning on Cyborg's shoulder, earning him a disgusted look from Cyborg. His hair was slicked back and his smile looked stupid- Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg all burst out laughing at once.

Beast Boy cocked his head to one side in confusion. "It's not nice to laugh at people who don't deserve it. I look awesome!"

Starfire continued to giggle, although by this time Robin had sobered up and was back to staring out the window. "Where are you?" He whispered under his breath, feeling alone and betrayed. "Where are you now, Raven?

* * *

To: NEVARConfused  
From: yourworstnightmare666  
NOTE: (E-mail addresses wouldn't display, so this is how it ended up)  
Subject: Your Stories

_Dear 'Goddess',_

_I have to say, you are one of the worst authors I've ever seen. You have no grammar use, no style, and no life. If I wrote as badly as you, I would have killed myself by now._

_That's a suggestion, by the way._

_You call 'Searchlights in a Silver Sky' writing? Here's a hint- Stop writing like a ten year old. I'm not going to review it- I'm just going to tell you that your spelling sucks, your story is pointless, and, overall, you should seriously consider just leaving the whole of fanfiction unchanged._

_Might I add that Raven/Robin SUCKS? I mean, really. Who in their right mind goes with 'the birds' anyway? You truly should just consider dying- It would make the living happier._

_Oh, and I reported you. May you lose your account._

_Better than you,_

_Yourworstnightmare666_

**Goddess: I don't know who left it, and may I never find out, least I kill them. I'm discontinuing this story unless I find a real reason to continue. I'm sorry to all my real reviewers who have been so nice to me over the past three years, but this guy's probably right and it's time I quit anyway…**

**My love to you all. It's probably just revenge because I'm a bitch anyway.**

**Raventhedarkgoddess 1-1-06**


	7. Chapter 7

_Raventhedarkgoddess: I think I messaged most of you, but I need to thank you all (possibly again) for your support on my story and all your dedication! Seriously, you guys are amazing; reviewers I didn't even had showed up to support me, and it means a lot. _

_I'm going to continue this fic- Who cares about flamers anyway? Besides, you guys are a pretty good reason to continue this fic. _

_I behaved rather badly, at any rate, so I'm very sorry... I know, I'll write a new chapter to make up for it! (This continues off the part I wrote last time...)_

**Chapter Six: The Urge To Smile**

That Friday night felt like it would never come, but when it did, he stood, forehead pressed to the glass, lips jagged around the edges from too much nervous licking, hair slicked back against his head and his mask firmly in place, looking out the window. There was no sight of Raven, or of anything but the waves, and for a moment, he wondered if he shouldn't have insisted on picking her up. The worry was there…

"Friend Robin, are you sure that you are 'okay'?" Starfire asked him. "Friend Raven is not to be here for another twenty minutes or so…" She placed a hand on his shoulder, which made him jump and spin to look at her. She was dressed nicely- They all were- and wore a nervous smile similar to the one he gave her in return.

Cyborg came over to stand behind them. "I'm nervous, man. You say she hasn't changed much, and I know I'm over her, but… This is going to bring back so many memories…"

"I understand, Cyborg." _Actually, _Robin thought to himself rather bitterly, _I don't understand. I don't understand why you think you have anything to be depressed or scared about… You're not the one who had, has, and will have feelings for her for the rest of time, now are you?_

"Why wasn't I invited to this group huddle?" Beast Boy was leaning on Cyborg's shoulder, earning him a disgusted look from Cyborg. His hair was slicked back and his smile looked stupid- Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg all burst out laughing at once.

Beast Boy cocked his head to one side in confusion. "It's not nice to laugh at people who don't deserve it. I look awesome!"

Starfire continued to giggle, although by this time Robin had sobered up and was back to staring out the window. "Where are you?" He whispered under his breath, feeling alone and betrayed. "Where are you now, Raven?

* * *

She stopped like an animal caught in the headlights, when in all of reality she was caught in the lights from the T-shaped tower that had once been her home before her. The embazed windows reflected in her large violet eyes as she stared, and stared, and then turned away, blinking quickly. 

Suddenly her eyes were clouded over, lost to a memory that she had been trying to shut away since the day it occured so that she would never, ever completely lose control again...

**_She sat among the boxes that were the contents of her room. She could have packed easily but instead was trying to get used to what her new life would be without the use of her powers, and so she sat, lifting each heavy book into the bottom of the cardboard cartons. The room was slowly baring- It looked more generic than anything anymore, and so she looked around at what remained of her life._**

**_She hardly heard the boy sneaking up on her until a green-gloved hand took the book from hers. "Raven, you have to hear me out."_**

**_"I think I already heard you out last night."_**

**_"I didn't mean any of that and you know it!" He moved to grab at her arm again but pulled his hand back as it came close to the area of her stomach where the blood had coursed from last night, starting the entire fight in the first place._**

**_"You could have fooled me, if you want me to be very honest with you." She wretched the book back out of his hand and set it on top of the box, which a black ball of energy then closed before she had the chance to reach for it._**

**_"You need to consider staying here for m... For the team!" His face was blushing slightly, and he tried to catch her eyes, but they were darting around the room, making sure that she had everything._**

**_"I would never consider staying," she hissed softly, "Where I'm just some unwanted demon."_**

**_"But you're not just a..." He paused. "Fine, you know what? Get lost, you stupid demon! I hope..." He stopped and clamped a hand over his mouth, trying to keep the words from coming out again._**

**_"I know," she said in a deathly whisper as she stood, glaring at him. "You already told me you hope I die."_**

**_"I didn't..."_**

**_The large bird seemed to be sweeping up the boxes, and moments later Raven was gone, her black mass of energy unable to take anymore of the insults._**

**_Or of the pain she felt at those words._****_

* * *

_**

Blinking hard, Raven reached out her hand to touch the door, wondering if the door would accept or reject her. However, before she could find out, the door flung itself open and the red hair whirled before Raven's eyes for only a second before she found herself laying flat-out on the ground. 

"FriendRavenIamsohappytoseeyouandsogladyouareokayand...!" Starfire had, as usual, the same breathless speech, and so Raven lay there with her eyes closed, struggling to get a breath, until finally the laughter around themceased.

"Come on, Starfire, don't kill her," Raven heard Beast Boy say, and she slowly opened her eyes to find herself looking directly up at Starfire and, around her, at Beast Boy, Cyborg, and of course, Robin.

Slowly (after squeezing Raven again, so hard that Raven felt as though her ribs were broken) Starfire got up, and Raven was free to gasp for a little bit of air.

Two hands shot out at once to help her up. One was gloved and green, the other cybernetic, and they hung in the air above her. "Need a hand?"

Another memory washed over her, perhaps a result of hitting her head, perhaps a memory of another time back before she had left...

**_Raven was laying face-down on the cement. Slade had dealt his blow, done his damage... And was leaving her there._**

**_She had gone over this millions of times in her mind, and she assumed this was before Robin had become angry that Slade was getting away, because in a flash he was at her side, Cyborg next to him, and both looking down at her eagerly._**

**_"Are you okay?" Both had asked at once. She knew she must have looked a sight- Her blood was coming down and beading over her body very fast, and she was weak, tired, almost not there at all. "Take my hand," they had said again in unison, and Raven had found herself looking up at them right before it all fell apart..._**

**_And she had smiled._****_

* * *

_**

This time she did not allow herself to smile, but did take both of their hands and permit them to help her up off the ground, lifting her between the pair of them. The urge was there but she fought it, and permitted them to lead her inside, still chattering away. 

The room was largely unchanged, and she sat down on her corner of the couch almost by instinct, and then wanted to smack herself for doing that. _Stop sending the messages that you want to be here, _she snapped at herself.

_But I do want to be here..._

The next hour (or was it an hour and a half, it felt so long for the shattered teammates) was painful. The talk floated in and out, the topics not really relevent, and Raven struggled to focus on her friends even though it was so tempting to let her eyes wander the room where she had once lived. Everything held a memory just out of her reach, and she fought against it, although not to much avail.

The topic had switched to recent crime. Raven tried to smile and nod, but it wasn't working; she felt like asking the real questions she needed answers to. She felt like standing and addressing old times and whether everything had to stay the way it was.

She dug her nails into the couch arm and said nothing for several long minutes, until finally she caught the heat of Robin's stare. He was watching her without his cocky nature- But was it sympathy, pity, or regreat she saw in his slump?

She wanted no part of any of them. Pretending to check a non-existent watch under her sleeve, (she'd forgotten hers in her hurry) she stood up, pretending to have to hurry. "I... have to go."

"Will we see you again?" Starfire asked. "We have all missed you, and it has been enjoyable to be almost teammates again."

"Please, Raven?" Beast Boy's arm was gripping her sleeve, and she tried her hardest to keep her stone-cold face, but could not do so without turning away to allow herself to get a grip.

"I'll be back some other time," she said, trying to keep her voice hard so that it didn't scream 'Can I stay here with you guys now instead?' "Thank you for having me over." Cold and formal though the words were, they did little but mask how she really felt.

"Rae, take care."

She blinked back hard at hearing Cyborg's voice. "I will." And she prepared to leave, walking out the door and staring up into the night sky, which was luminated only by the moon out here, away from the city that was still so very close to her.

Someone grabbed her arm, and she wheeled around to smack them, her hand making a nasty sound as it whacked off her attacker's face. "Did you have to hit me?" It asked in a joking voice.

"Sorry!" Raven found herself face to face with Robin, who was holding the side of his face but still laughing slightly. "I didn't mean to..."

"It's my fault." Before she knew what he was doing, the hand not holding his face had snaked around her shoulders, and the pair of them were standing there under the moonlight. "I just wanted you to know, it's okay if you don't feel like coming back..."

_I want to come back... '_I liked seeing you guys, though," she blurted out, and Robin smiled slightly. "I mean, it is really nice to..."

"Shhhh." He hugged her before suddenly letting go and turning his back. "I'll see you again, then." And with that, he disappered, the silver light leaving him as he traded it for the shadows.

For whatever reason, under those silver clouds, watching him leave, the emotion slipped up and she could control it no longer.

Raven smiled.

_Raventhedarkgoddess: Goddes is BACK! Please R+R if you'd like, I like hearing from you guys. Thank you again for all your support._


	8. Chapter 8

_Raventhedarkgoddess: Again, thank you for all your reviews and support! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this story updated, I lost two others and so my account's been locked up. Anyway, now to try to actually get into some plot… Always a problem for me, but I shall do my best._

**Chapter Seven: Open Your Eyes**

Raven awoke on her couch very late the next day. She wasn't actually sure what had happened, short of the fact that for a moment last night, or perhaps more than a moment, she had a feeling similar to that of being home. She gave herself a mental slap and sat up slowly, looking around her home with some despair at its' emptiness, and for a moment she couldn't help but wonder if last night had been another cruel dream planned by her mind.

The way she was dressed and the knocking on her door told her she wasn't, as did the sunlight coming through the uncovered window, small and stain-glassed, and making a pattern where she had just lain. The small rose rested against the arm of her stained couch, and she opened it to reveal, of course, the only person who could have destroyed her surreal, if not pleasant, alternate reality.

She opened it, struggling to blink back the tiredness behind her eyes. She looked to the left and to the right, but there was no one there. Raising her hand and praying she wouldn't lose it enough to use her powers, she took a step out into the hallway.

That was when the vase fell over. It was tiny, blue marble, and she was lucky it didn't break. In it was a single black rose and next to that…

There in the hallway lay a small note. The handwriting was spinning and messy, as if the hand that wrote it had been shaking or at least out of practice, and at once she knew who had sent it. "Robin…"

**Raven,**

**You left the Tower in a rush last night, and I know I was being mysterious and moody as you left. I actually just wanted to ask you if we could meet up somewhere, just the two of us, to talk about what happened.**

**After all that's gone on, I can understand if you decline. But I was hoping we could meet up in Angel's Park again, because after all the memories, I have something I really need to talk to you about.**

**If you'll do it for nothing else, could we meet for old time's sake? We can't keep letting this tear us apart, and I want more than anything to see you again and work this out somehow. I know I can't make up for everything… But will you let me try?**

**I'll be waiting on the hill between nine and ten. Please, Raven, for my sake…**

**Robin**

_For his sake… Heh. Why should I ever do anything for his sake again?_

_When there are so many memories of times when he couldn't do anything for my sake? _Instead of letting herself get lost in the memories, however, she checked the clock before standing up and making herself some herbal tea from her stash- She couldn't have eaten if she'd wanted to.

Robin stood outside the building, looking up at the window of Raven's apartment longingly, wondering if she had received the note, wondering if she would see it, wondering if she would even respond. Still, there was nothing to do but stick his hands into the deep pockets of his dark jeans, forcing himself to turn away, adjusting his sunglasses as he went.

Wearing his sunglasses didn't really make much sense, because there wasn't any sun. Still, Robin wore them, mainly to feel like he was more concealed, more of a different person than the one who had worn the mask all that time.

He needed to feel different from the one who had screamed those words at Raven. He wanted to feel different than the one who had called her a heartless demon, the one who was so obsessed with catching Slade and finding the 'real' Raven, as he remembered her. _Maybe I'm just crazy, _he thought, straddling his motorcycle and preparing to take the long way home, already thinking about what he would do, getting ready to face down the demons in their pasts.

Self-created demons.

The hours pasted slowly, and finally Raven found herself walking up the long marble staircase. Already could she see the Boy Wonder, sitting without his usual cocky stance, on the bench under the watchful statue of the angel, whose wings were still bent in and surrounding him as his shadow from the final dredges of dying light. _Here goes nothing, _she thought to herself.

"Robin?" Her voice came out little more than a strangled whisper, but still he turned to look at her, hair moving as if blown by some unseen wind.

"Raven," he said with a smile. "I'm so happy to see you again…" He motioned with his hand for her to sit down and, submissive to his wishes even after all this time, sat down on the stone bench once more, this time keeping her distance from him and folding her hands over in her lap. She looked over at him where he sat in his street clothes, and then quickly looked back off, into the setting sun.

Robin sighed, noticing how dull she looked through his glasses. She looked back at him and he felt his throat sticking; what was he supposed to say?

"Raven, listen to me… I really want to talk to you about what happened… All that time ago. You know, back when we were still a team, I was… cruel to you."

"Cruel doesn't even begin to cover it," said Raven in her dry monotone, wrapping her arms around herself as if protecting herself from his words.

Those dry, cruel words took Robin back in the depths of his memory to another time, another time that was much more pressing on his mind than even the present, which was worrying him beyond belief as it was.

"_**Do you think I'm being too cruel to her or what!" Robin was yelling at Cyborg. Standing there at the top of the stairs, one arm around Starfire and the other around Beast Boy, for it was the only way she could walk, Raven listened to their argument. The two seemed to be involved, heated intensity coming through their eyes as they stared one another down.**_

"_**Yes! Look at her! She's beaten, bruised, and willing to leave because you're the one who insists that demon blood leads to stupidity or something!" He was angry and he moved forward. "You're the one who hurt her, Robin!"**_

"_**I am not! I'm not being cruel! I only speak the truth!"**_

"**_Do you, now?" Raven hobbled forward despite the other two attempting to restrain her, making her presence known to the two at the bottom of the stairwell. Her eyes seemed to burn with, of course, an intense pain from before, from the night Robin had first opened his mouth and uttered those upsetting words. "So what you're saying is that you truthfully think I'm just some worthless example of demon scum who you don't really need around here anyway?"_**

"_**I never…"**_

"_**Yes, you did." And she had turned and moved away from him, struggling to stay upright on her own as Starfire and Beast Boy caught her under the arms and kept her from going down on the stairwell. **_

"_**I'm not being cruel to you!" He hollered at her. "You're the one who's a stupid…" He clamped his mouth shut over the last word, but Raven already knew what it was.**_

"_**You're right… Cruel doesn't even begin to cover it." And so she had tossed her head and looked away while the others, standing on either side of her, after they frowned one time at Robin to let him know he was an idiot, helped her out of the room.**_

"**_You blew that one, man," Cyborg pointed out. "You blew it."_**

"Robin, are you all right?" Raven asked, staring at him in confusion as she called him back to the reality of the meeting he had asked her to come to. She accidentally brushed his hand, which jarred him back to sudden reality. She pulled her hand back very quickly and he almost felt like sighing.

Even through the darkness of his glasses, he could see that her expression was disgusted. He wasn't sure, however, if it was with herself, for even reaching out in the first place, or with him, or perhaps both. Either way, it caused frustration to bubble up inside Robin, the same frustration that drove her away. _I won't let this happen… _He shook his head quickly back and forth, as if trying to shake the thought off.

"I'm fine," he retorted, then wondered vaguely why he had to be so cruel to her and so snappish all of a sudden.

Silence followed the unconvincing and cruel reply. Raven shifted, noticeably uncomfortable, closer to the back of the bench, still trying to meet Robin's eyes in spite of the slight fear she felt at what she might see in looking at him. He sighed, wishing he could have made himself easier for her to talk to.

_But I'm too busy being an idiot…_

"Listen, Raven…" Robin began again. His voice faltered over his words and so, rather than attempt to speak again, he reached out and grabbed her hands, holding them tightly in his own. "Listen, I want to tell you everything, and I want us to talk. If you want to listen, I can…"

But that was when it went off. A small, ringing noise, flashing in his jeans pocket, and even Raven realized the small Titan communicator as he whipped it out, still tightly holding one of her wrists in his own. (Later he would realize just how rough he was being with her and what kind of effect it had on her, both then and far in their pasts)

"Robin, listen to me. We've got an emergency."

"What kind of emergency?" Robin asked. "And how far from Angel Hill are you?" He knew Cyborg was in a familiar part of the city, because the buildings looked familiar.

"Right outside. Slade's back."

Robin saw Raven cringe next to him. "You're SURE about this?" He asked, reluctantly letting go of Raven's arm and slamming his fist against the side of the stone angel.

"Just… get out here now. Starfire and Beast Boy can't handle this, so I'm gonna go." And then the little screen went blank, leaving Robin staring at it with contempt, anger, and yet somehow… Hope.

_I can set this right! _He stood up and turned to face Raven. "I've got to go now…" He stumbled closer to her and fell against her as she stood up, and so she barely caught him and they stood like that for a second.

"Hold on." And her hands removed his glasses, revealing his perfect eyes. For a moment, she found herself lost in them, but she managed to speak, blinking. "Don't you think you ought to take a look around before you go rushing into things half-blind?"

And look around Robin did. The sky was completely dark, and Raven was standing against him, as he reached behind him for another mask in his pocket. "Raven…"

"We'll talk later. I'm going with you."

"You're… Raven, you shouldn't…"

"I'm not worthless, you know." And with that, she turned her back to him and started to run down the path, leaving Robin to run after her.

_Who's really trying to prove something here? _He found himself thinking. _Either way, I have to do anything to protect her._

Maybe Raven wasn't the only one who would need protecting.

_**Raventhedarkgoddess: Thanks, guys. R+R! Love ya'll.**_


	9. Chapter 9

_Raventhedarkgoddess: Sorry, everyone, I've been on an extended break from fanfiction for my fictionpress account… Try not to be mad, now. I come bearing the gift of a new chapter and I'll try to be more frequent about this._

**Chapter Nine: Believe**

Robin found himself looking at Raven as she ran along ahead of him toward the site of the battle. It just didn't seem real that the pair of them stood there, or that she was running toward the very thing he had watched her run away from; the Teen Titans and the team she had abandoned. More amazing still to him was the fact that she had not given up, even after all this time, the fire that had always seemed to govern her every move.

Still, he couldn't read her. _What is she thinking about? What is going on in her head? Does she miss the old times? Is she afraid? Does she…_

_Why am I thinking about this now? I've got a city to save! Besides, I'm the one who didn't want her around… But I do want her around…_

Robin shook his head out. "How," he muttered to himself in disgust, "Do you win a battle when you're so caught up in your mistakes you can't even think straight?"

As if on some sort of cue, Raven looked back over her shoulder. They were under a narrow streetlight, just inches away from their destination. "Did you say something, Robin?"

He was caught for several seconds by her face, which was pale, drawn, and determined. "It's nothing," he managed to say finally, trying to ignore the skeptical look in her violet eyes. "Nothing at all."

"If you're sure," she said. "Just know that this is my chance to change your opinion from all that time ago, and I'm not letting you go off into battle by yourself."

"I'd still feel safer if you weren't here."

_I won't snap, I won't get angry… _"Because you don't think I can do it, right?" She retorted, much more sharply than she'd thought possible. "You still think I'm just the worthless little demon girl who you got rid of because I couldn't catch him. Well, we're about to face him again, and I'm going to prove to you where you went wrong."

"Raven, I didn't mean…"

"Let me do this on my own." The words sounded strong, and Robin sighed; Still things were not getting better, and it was his own fault.

Robin opened his mouth to speak again, but Raven had rounded the corner and was now out of his sight, moving toward the battle, which suddenly seemed explosively loud.

Before Robin was mass chaos. There had been various explosions that had brought buildings down, and there among it stood four figures; Starfire, her face covered in ashes, Beast Boy, in the form of a large dinosaur of sorts, Cyborg, who's face was placid and rather grim, and of course….

"Slade!" Robin found that the word he heard had not come from his own throat, but instead from Raven's, and she eyed him up with a look of coldness, spite, and even a deep, intense hatred.

"Well," said the figure, stepping forward and straightening it's mask, hand stroking over the gleaming orange side to wipe a bit of soot from an attack away, "It's nice to see you've done so well for yourself. Tell me, has time healed you, or are you still as pathetic as you always were, Raven, when I drove you away?"

"Shut up! Leave her alone!" Robin stepped in front of Raven, holding his arms out to protect her. She gave him a reproachful glare and moved out from behind his shielding arms.

_I don't need his pity… I can do this on my own. After all, I'm a worthless demon… And yet he can't just let me go… It's his fault…_

Still, Raven could not force herself to be completely angry at Robin. Instead, her anger had a definite target; Slade.

"Ah, Robin," Slade said warmly. "I personally don't think this is really your place to talk, but it's nice to see you again as well. So, did the girl leave all on her own, or were you simply so cruel that she couldn't stand you anymore."

"Shut up!"

"Your favorite words…" Slade mocked with a smirk. "No matter, soon neither of you shall ever trouble me again."

"I'd like to see you try," Robin snapped. "Titans, formations Ready! Teen Titans, GO!"

Everyone's faces seemed to light up with slightly more hope than ever before. "Let's win this one," said Cyborg suddenly, "In honor of old times."

"Silly boy," Slade called out in a mocking voice. "This isn't a field trip, you know. You're all going to lose your lives the way you should have a year ago, when only her injury prevented me from taking the lives of all of you..."

"To old times," Robin muttered under his breath, and found himself assuming a ready fighting stance, only to see Starfire zooming forward as if fueled by venom to attack Slade.

Skillful as ever, Slade dodged, flipping his body up over the attack. "Do you really think you're going to beat me with your silly little games?" He puncutated these words by dodging not only Starfire but Cyborg's shots as well, and the area between the buildings was alight with blue and green bolts.

Suddenly Raven realized she couldn't just stand back and watch as she'd been doing. Her friends were fighting their hardest, and fighting for her, and she was hanging back, unsure if she still knew how to fight...

_But I'm not going to be a burden to them. I'm going to fight with everything I have, for everything I had. _"I just hope this works... Azarth Metrion Zinthos!"

With the words, she realized a rush coursing through her body which she hadn't felt since the very last time, and as she watched one of the dumpsters to her left glow, she realized she had her control back. _I can do this..._

Slade seemed temporarily stupified by the metal connecting with the metal of his mask. "Very good, Raven," he said with a smirk, and for the first time turned to face her. In the time it had taken her to get her confidence back, Starfire and Beast Boy had been tossed to one side and Cyborg had been swept off his feet. Only Robin was left.

_Just like last time._

The thought was haunting, yet it made her more determined. "You won't get away this time, Slade. I'm not going to let you!"

"Brave words from a scared little girl," he said. As the pair looked on in horror, he drew from his belt a piece of glintering steel; a knife. "You're not going to get away, and this time I'm going to finish the job." His voice was sadistic, cold, and it was driving Robin onto the edge of insanity.

"Raven, please, just stand out of this, you've already proved yourself, you're going to get hurt!" Robin yelled.

"What do you think I am? Worthless!"

"You know I didn't mean that!"

That was when Slade moved to strike, grazing Robin's leg with the blade as the Boy Wonder, choked with emotion and of course, frustration induced by Raven's stubbornness, made a very clumsy evade. "You're slipping, Robin," Slade taunted.

The battle went on and on, back and forth between the two of them. Even with the occassional assists by Raven, neither side could really gain an advantage, and Robin found that he didn't fear for himself, didn't want to win this for himself...

It was because of Raven's presence. That irritated him somewhat- Protecting other people was obviously not something he was good at, so why did he let it become his biggest downfall?

Raven could tell Slade was watching Robin, sensing his distraction, and she saw the knife swing before Robin did. With what little speed she could manage while hovering, for she hadn't quite gotten the hang of it, she shoved Robin out of the way, seeing the knife blade pass close to her own throat, and kicked one of Slade's legs out from under him.

He caught her stomach with the blade as she fell, but Raven gritted her teeth and gave Robin a look that he wasn't sure he could interpret. Standing there, her blood beginning to fall, she seemed to have but one question in her whole being. "Do you believe in me now, Robin?"

Instead of answering, Robin kicked Slade hard, causing him to fall to the ground. "I'm going to kill you!"

Slade freed himself after several assaluts by the Boy Wonder, surprised at the feeling of fury behind each blow and now knowing that the next battle wouldn't be quite so difficult; he had established the boy's affection for the girl, and it was overall, his downfall. He took off running, but not before looking back at Robin one more time.

"We'll meet again, Robin. Understand that. And when we do, she's going to finally die... And so are you."

By the time the others distangled themselves from the wreckage they'd been thrown into, they found Robin hunched over Raven's form. He seemed to have forgotten everything that had happened between them, holding her body against him and whispering what none of them could hear.

"Come on, we'd better get her home now!"

Robin's R-cycle lay abandoned by the side of the road as he and Beast Boy sat in back with Raven stretched across their laps. Beast Boy sighed to hear his friend's next words;

"Yes, Raven, I believe in you..." He sighed. "But it's too late for that, isn't it?" He touched her eyelids hopefully, wondering if she'd stir.

She did not, and so he found himself staring out over the world, watching the searchlights turn the dark, menacing clouds a more gentle but somehow more evil color of silver.

"It's too late to believe."

_Don't worry, I'm not going to let it end like this... That wouldn't be very nice of me, now would it? However, it'll probably be like, two or three weeks before I update. Sorry, everyone, but life's busy and my grades are all so close to being high honors... I just have to bust my butt, so I don't have a lot of time to write. (This was written in math class... hehe) Anyway, I love you all, thank you so much for the support and reviews, and keep them coming!_

_Best wishes,_

_Raven_


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten: Memories**

Robin sat there by the light that was a red glow of nothing, the light above the door showing him the way out of the room where he sat alone except for her fallen form, staring. He wanted so badly to touch her, or at least to speak, but nothing would come past the hard lump formed in his throat.

"Raven..." He finally managed to choke out. "Raven, how did I... When did I... Why did I..." He fell silent for a moment, staring in the oppisite direction. "Why did I let it happen?"

He looked back at her face, which had obtained an other-earthly glow that scared him under the demonic look of the red light. "Why..."

"It's just like last time. I let you down. Just like last time, I let you down."With that,he tried to turn his head from her to hide his shame, but it was as if his face were stuck facing her and he could barely blink for fear that in her fragile state shewould fall away from him. "I... I'm so selfish, I let you down..."

"I let you sacrifice yourself for me. I let this happen. Raven, how... Why were you ready to forgive me?"

He sounded as though he were preforming some sort of half-crazed monologe, but still Robin continued to let the questions pour from him, never removing her from his view, never letting himself look away, imagining her amysthist eyes staring back at him with an accusing quality as they so often had in his dreams.

Even despite this, she looked so, so pale and helpless...

_Was that my mistake? _"I never should have thought of you as helpless in the first place. Then you wouldn't have left, wouldn't have had something to prove, and..." He paused, swallowing the lump in his throat that was fighting to reform, but he dare not let it because that would stop him from talking, and the words felt important, as though they were leading him up to something of great importance.

"And you wouldn't have ended up this way."

Even as he spoke the words, his whole being knew them to be true. "It... Raven, I'm sorry. I know you can't hear me, but I'm sorry." With that being said, he put his head down into his hands and was silent, the first of many teardrops spilling from behind his mask, down over his green-gloved arms, and onto his bare skin.

It shimmered in the light and he found himself looking over at it. It reminded him of a time of hellfire, when Raven had been alone and he'd wanted nothing more than to help her out. _Well, I didn't help this time..._

_Or last time._

The thought itself must have had an ability nothing else had, because for the first time since the incident, still so full of a new pain, Robin began a flashback to the events he had tried to shut away for so long, bringing one of Raven's hands to be held in his, unaware that she was, at that very moment, lost in tossing and turning dreams outside her control of the very same thing.

* * *

**_"Another incident... Robin, Slade's been painstakingly active in this area lately. We really need to be careful this time. He's started to kill people more frequently, and everything... Well, from Rae's calcutations, doesn't look good. He wants something from at least one of us." Those had been Cyborg's words that night as the alarm went off in Titan's tower, the indictator on the screen in the shape of an 'S'._**

**_"Yeah, I know," he had said, waving his hand arrogently, "But more people are going to die if we don't go. Titans, move out!"_**

**_The ride had been, of course, like any other. It was once they got there that it began to mess with their entire world._**

**_Slade had delievered some corny one-liner that Robin couldn't remember, and he had responded with something equally bad before yelling the phrase that, from there on, made the memory seem to him like it was happening all over again. "Titans, go!"_**

**_He remembered the sting of the rain, the cries of his teammates as they fought back with everything they had, and of course, even the way the wet pine trees had smelled. They were on the outskirts of the city, and the battle spread to the forests easily. It had been there that the fatal moment had come._**

**_"Say whatever you like, but you're not getting away, Slade!" Robin had yelled. "Capture him at all costs, Titans!"_**

**_All costs. Those words would, of course, make a huge impact on the team and cost him happiness for a long time._**

**_Slade had then drawn the knife as he saw Starfire and Beast Boy coming towards him. "Do you all want to go down this way?" He had asked, mockingly smirking. "Do you all want to go down and then let me walk away, or are you going to do something about it?"_**

**_That was when Raven had stepped forward. He could still remember how she looked, head thrown back in the rain and the wind catching her hair, intensity in her every movement. "Don't you dare harm my friends," she said quietly. "You're going to have to go through me for this, Slade."_**

**_Slade didn't seem to change in expression at all, but instead turned and started to run. And run. And run..._**

**_"He's getting away! Titans, capture Slade at all costs!"_**

**_The Teen Titans had taken off running in all directions, Robin following Raven so that they could double around and cut them off, but he lost sight of her floating form and found himself running straight, running straight..._**

**_Tripping._**

**_"I knew you'd come," a voice far above him had mocked. "I knew you'd come to fall by all my power."_**

**_"Shut up, Slade." And he had tried to rise, but hadn't been able to rise, and so he fell back down to the ground,struggling to cover his face with only one thought: Is this it?_**

**_And that was when Raven had latched her arms around Slade, keeping him back, and in all the confusion Starfire ended up at his side, but then..._**

**_How it happened, he would never know. But Raven's hands slipped, and slowly, slowly, a knife came from nowhere and, although Robin thought he could reach out and stop it, cut deep into her stomach._**

**_Slade got away, dashing very, very quickly. "I'll be back, Titans."_**

**_And that was when he had begun to yell. "How could you let him get away? How could you? How could...?"_**

**_The rest of the days went by in a whirl, from Raven standing to her wounds healing to him screaming at her to her leaving. And when she left..._**

**_That chunk of his heart had disappered. And just when he thought he had gotten it back, it had been taken away from him again._****_

* * *

__All my fault..._ **

"But I'm going to set this right. I'm going to set this right if it's the last thing I do." He kissed her forehead, trying to ignore the warped look of her face.

"Everything's going to be fine. Everything's going to be fine. Everything's going to be..."

_What's the point?_

"Fine." Even as he whispered the word, he couldn't stop the tears from falling down over his face, and so they lay there, glistening on their intertwined hands and Raven's face.

_It's not fine..._

**Raventhedarkgoddess: Um, R+R, I guess. Nothing much to say, love you guys!**


	11. Chapter 11

_Raventhedarkgoddess: This story was yelling 'update or else' so I decided I'd better update... Missed all the random little reviews, you guys are great and I shouldn't have been so busy this month. --; Anyway, here's your last new chapter, enjoy! Hopefully a little more than my last one, but that one was very emo, so yeah... _

**Chapter Eleven: Fly Away**

By the time Raven awoke three days later, Robin was pale. Tired. Famished. Obviously lost. Out of it. Afraid. But he couldn't and wouldn't give up, not now or ever, and so he sat there clutching one of her hands in his own in silence. As her eyes opened, he stared, unable to believe, to let himself believe, that he had really seen their deep color.

"...Rae?" He asked, his hand holding tighter to hers. "Raven, say something. Please!" He tried to hold back his emotions, but somehow they would leak back into his voice, leaving him swallowing hard against the huge knot forming in his throat, crushing the words. "Please don't just leave again! There's so much I have to say to you..."

Raven let out a faint-hearted moan in reply. "Robin..." She paused. "Robin, they didn't hurt you, did they? I didn't let you get hurt..."

"I... I wasn't anything to you, Raven. You shouldn't have done it."

_Was he something to me? _Her face became hard with thought, but Robin mistook it for the beginning of fading and he held fast to her hand, practically forcing all the bones against one another in his agony. "Raven, come on! Look at me! Raven!"

"Robin... I'm not anything to you, so why do you cling to a worthless... demon... wench...?" The words came out softer than before, her hands slacker than before, and Robin gripped her hand, desperatly afraid.

"I didn't know what I was talking about then..."

"I... I dreamed about it, you know. About us, back then. I dreamed about how things could have been, and I kept seeing what had happened in my mind, but... I couldn't make it right. I just couldn't make it right, Robin, and for the longest time I thought I didn't want to but now..."

"But what?"

"I changed my mind. I want to be a Titan, Robin. I want to stay here with you. I want to cut my hair and put my cloak back on and remember how to fly and... I want to change myself. I want to change everything that's been going on. That is..." She paused. "If you even want me back."

"Shhh. Don't even talk like that. If this is anyone's fault, it's mine, because I made you leave and hurt your feelings and affected everything any of us ever had and..."

Her hand was gentle on top of his as she forced a smile to her face. "Robin, it wasn't anyone's fault. I left because I thought I had to. You said what you thought you had to. The only thing on my mind right now is taking revenge on Slade. We'll get him. We'll get through this. This is honestly how it was meant to be, all right?"

"How can you be so forgiving?"

"Isn't that what someone does when they truely care about someone else?"

"You mean you... Raven, why didn't you ever tell me you felt that way?"

"I did, Robin. Or at least my editor did. He told the whole world... Didn't you see it?" The reality of her words hit him, and Robin reached into his back pocket to pull out the tiny newspaper clipping he'd taken earlier, only to find that it was covered in a bright red that made Robin want to cry out.

"Raven... Raven..." He looked at her with disbelief written into every inch of his fate. "This was... This was for me? Why would you have..."

"I wrote that right after I left. I... I wanted you to get it. I wanted you to see it. But now..." She looked away. "You probably think I'm an idiot, spouting off like this about... Affections you probably don't have."

"That's not true. Raven, Starfire and I... we broke off a long time ago, if that's what you're thinking. I've been alone. And I want to, more than anything, be with you. If you can just find it in your heart to trust me, and the team."

"You know the wounds won't heal overnight, correct?"

"I'm not asking them to. I'm just asking for you, Raven, as you are right now. I'm asking for you to get stronger, and to find out everything really will work out fine. I'm just asking you to be you. Is that... Will you... Raven, will you..."

She held in her emotions as best her control would allow her. "Robin... Robin, I'm going to stay here."

"You really mean that?"

She looked him in the eyes, catching him totally off-guard, because she looked close to tears. "Hey, Raven, don't cry! I didn't mean to upset you or anything, it's just..."

She used one arm to prop herself up and then flung both arms around him, so that she was practically laying, slumped forward, against his chest. "Did anyone ever tell you you're really a good guy?"

He stroked her hair, grinning, all the tears he had shead, all the pain, forgotten in her presence. "I... I love you, Raven."

"I love you too."

They were silent for many a minute after that, just staring off into space.

"Hey Robin, will you help me do something...?"

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_There goes my reservations.  
Flying off to join the seven nations._

_There goes all the many things I ever had, my fears.  
All the things that came up these past two years.  
I'm living with all my old dreams  
But no longer is anything quite what it seems.  
For I never dreamed that you'd be mine:_

_In fact, I never dreamed._

_But you've given me wings to fly away  
In a difference sense than ever today.  
You love me and I love you just the same.  
I'll lean on you thought I have grown lame.  
Our hearts are here together poised to fly,  
And at once I know I must say goodbye.  
There goes the shattered edges of our broken promise:  
Let's start over again._

Raven's hand released the paper and the pair of them watched it start to flutter down, down, down, toward the shimmering lights of the city so far below them in the night. "Thank you for bringing me up here..." She leaned against him again, heavily relying on him for support.

"It's no problem, Raven. Just... this is where we start over, huh? This is where we rebuild trust and... faith."

"Yes. Faith."

"Hey Raven?"

"Yeah?"

"You're not worthless. You're... everything. To me, to the team. Everything."

Raven didn't respond to that except to snuggle closer to him. Her hand did, however, point out to him the sky. Silver. Searchlights luminating each cloud.

"A promise?"

"I'll always be with you." Although Raven was talking about the sky, that was Robin's promise. _I'm going to atone for what I"ve done. No matter what. No matter when. You'll see, Raven. You'll see._

_You understand love, after all._

**Completed: 5/2/06  
Thank you to everyone who read this and supported me so much!  
There is a sequal: Reflections of Raindrops  
Check it out? **

**With all due Respect,  
Raventhedarkgoddess**


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